Is A Happy Marriage Enough?

This week in our current series "Family Matters" we looked at the issue of marriage. Marriage has been one of the biggest social topics in the last few years as we've seen the U.S. Supreme Court's rulings on same sex marriage & begun to look at what that's going to mean for our culture & our churches.

While many people feel that June 2015 is when the church lost the marriage debate, I would argue that we lost the debate long before that when we began to exchange the New Testament, Gospel driven view of marriage for the cultural views & perspectives on the marriage relationship. For example, many Christians would be quick to praise a couple that is celebrating 50 years of marriage, but what if the goal of marriage isn't just to stay married? What if the goal in marriage is just managing to not kill each other or abandon each other? What if there's something far more significant? What if there is something deeply spiritual about marriage?

If you look at Ephesians 5:21-33 you'll find the answer to those questions. There is something more to marriage than just surviving it. There is something deeper than just managing to stay together. And there is something incredibly, profoundly spiritual about the marriage relationship. Paul says that when husband & wife submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, they're not only reflecting Christ's submission to His Father's will & our need, they're also growing in holiness. When the husband loves his wife as Christ loves the Church & when the wife submits to her husband as she would to Christ, they are illustrating what Paul called a "profound mystery." When husband & wife fulfill their roles, their marriage covenant becomes a reflection of Christ's love for the Church & the Church's devotion & submission to her Savior. They're relationship becomes a picture of the Gospel for a watching world that needs to not simply see healthy marriage, but needs to see Christ.

However, too many of us have exchanged the beauty described in Ephesians 5 for the world's cheap substitutes. We've managed to be content with simply having a "happy marriage," whatever that means. And by the way, it's usually defined by MY happiness, not the happiness of my spouse. What if in prioritizing & focusing on happy marriages we've missed out on what God really wants for us?

"Stop Focusing On A Happy Marriage & Start Pursuing A Holy Marriage."

You might be wondering if there's really a difference between happy & holy. My answer would be "Yes" & "No." In the short term there's a big difference. After all, the thing that I deeply feel & believe will make me happy right now might lead me away from holiness. On the other hand, if we take the long view, pursuing holiness will lead us to happiness & something even greater than happiness: joy. It's really a matter of what we prioritize. If our goal is happiness in our marriage, we'll find ourselves chasing mirages because happiness by the world's standards is so fleeting & fragile. If however we pursue holiness, husbands will sacrificially love their wives & wives will respectfully & lovingly support her husband, & as they do this, they'll grow in holiness & oneness in both the happy times & unhappy times in a way that reflects the oneness of Christ & His Church.

So stop focusing on a happy marriage, & start pursuing a holy marriage. It may seem counterintuitive, but that's the Gospel life: denying self in favor of Christ. If you'll pursue the path of holiness in your marriage, you won't have to worry about happiness.

To access the full teaching on this passage click visit our HERE. Then click the Family Matters graphic to launch the message player.