That's Not Fair!

One of the greatest tensions in leadership is the desire to be fair. The concept of fairness is pervasive in our culture. When that cultural norm bumps into our role as a leader, there is inevitable tension. Leaders have decisions to make that will affect people, & those people demand that the leader lead in a way that is fair, & the leader himself feels the pull toward fairness in his own leadership. However, another truth is pulling at the leader as well: that fairness & leadership aren't always compatible. 

"Fairness Is Usually Determined By Our Present Desires, 

But Leadership Demands We See The Long-Term Destination."

Absolute fairness in leadership is a myth. It doesn't exist & never has. God Himself doesn't even treat us fairly. After all, if God were fair & gave us what we deserved, it would be really ugly. Even if you just brought it down to the level of fairness that we usually operate on which is all about what we think we need right now, God wouldn't dare treat us "fairly". If He gave us what we wanted now, it's likely that it would ultimately destroy us. Instead God does what all good leaders do: He keeps the big picture, the long-term destination in view. 

As a leader, you have the responsibility of leading people into a future that they won't always see or understand. In the midst of that, you'll probably hear, "That's not fair," but don't be distracted by the world's mantra. Fix your eyes on the finish line, on the destination that you have been called to lead others to. Don't try to be absolutely fair; it's impossible. In fact, it can actually become an enemy to your organization, ministry, or family.

What Do You Expect?

Expectations are sort of odd. We all have them, even if we don't communicate them. Most of us have fallen victim to unspoken expectations because uncommunicated expectations almost always result in unmet expectations. There's another component to this as well. 

How many times have we seen someone, a kid perhaps, who was told over & over how stupid they were or how they didn't measure up, & lo & behold they lived a life of mediocrity: their grades were sub-par, they were in & out of trouble. Well, what did you expect would happen? If someone constantly gets the message that they're not smart enough, competent enough, or just plain good enough, they'll embrace that message & fulfill it through their life. You don't always have to come right out & say those things to someone for them to get the message. When you either explicitly or implicitly set low expectations for someone, don't be surprised when they live down to them.

The opposite is true as well. How many of us had a teacher, coach, parent, or leader in our life who called more out of us than we thought was actually in there? I've seen guys on the football field who accomplished more than what they should have because a coach set high expectations & convinced that player that they could actually rise to meet them. I've seen students who were bored or lazy excel because a teacher refused to let them stay bored or lazy. Instead he or she spoke to the potential in that student, & somewhere along the way the student bought into the idea that maybe, just maybe, they could achieve more than they thought possible. I've seen countless lives changed through the local church not just through the Gospel but through the Gospel centered leadership of men & women who refused to allow their brothers & sisters in Christ to simply fill a seat once a week or go through the motions of some ministry every once in a while. Instead they called their brothers & sisters to a greater sense of purpose, responsibility, & calling than anyone had before. The results are always the same: people rise to meet the expectations.

"Whatever You Expect Is Usually What You Get."

In the realm of leadership I've found this little principle to be true over & over again. If you set low expectations, you can expect low results. If you set expectations of mediocrity, don't be surprised when that's exactly what you get. If you expect high school students to act like fools, guess how they'll act. However, if you raise the bar, if cast a vision of excellence, most people respond by raising their output as well. They'll work harder, do more, & achieve more than they ever had before, not because they suddenly became smarter or more competent but because somebody called them to raise the bar.

As a church leader I believe there is no group in the universe whose bar should be higher than ours. In Christ, we've been called from death to life. We serve the King of all creation. We have been called to the greatest mission in history. Yet so often we set a low bar hoping to shield ourselves from risk or the possibility of disappointment. Ironically, there is nothing more disappointing than a low expectation follower of Jesus. It's time for us to expect more from ourselves as we follow Jesus. It's time for us to expect more from one another as we grow together & serve together. Considering our mission & calling has eternal ramifications, I would say it's time for us to set the bar high. After all, those we serve, lead, & reach out to deserve it, & our Savior, who we seek to honor, definitely deserves it.

How can you raise the bar for yourself? How can you raise the expectations for those you lead & serve beside? How can you speak to them & lead them in a way that calls out the greatness in them & calls them to do more & go farther than they ever have before. Whatever you expect is usually what you get, so what do you expect?

Orange 2015 Reflections

Last week I was able to take a couple of our key volunteer ministry leaders with me to attend The Orange Conference in Atlanta. If you're unfamiliar with Orange, you need to check them out at thinkorange.com. I wanted to share with you just a little from 3 days of incredible content presented by Reggie Joiner & the incredible team of leaders he assembled for this event. Here are a few quotes & some of my takeaways from the event.

-This year's theme was "It's Just A Phase...So Don't Miss It." Too often we're focused on what is to come that we miss out on what's right now, especially when it comes to kids. Slow down recognize & appreciate the opportunities that you have right now to impact a young man or woman's life.

-"You can fast forward childhood but you can't rewind it." Jon Acuff

-Remembering that every child is made in the image of God changes everything. It reminds us of the potential that's locked up in every kid & that we get to play a part in helping them discover who they could be in Christ so that in Christ all that potential is unleashed.

-"Kids are receiving mixed messages about sexuality." Jim Burns

-If we as parents & leaders don't engage kids on the issue of sex & sexuality (in a constructive, age appropriate way), culture will & by the time we think they're "ready" to talk about it, they've already formed their worldview on the topic.

-"When Nehemiah's heart was broken, he paid attention to his broken heart...So what breaks your heart?" Andy Stanley

-"Years from now what do you want people to line up to thank you for?" Andy Stanley

-"We're having to have answer questions previous generation haven't had to answer." Joshua Gagnon

-"Senior Pastors, elevate your leaders, & when they succeed, elevate them more." Brad Lomenick

-Jenni Catron is one of the smartest people I've ever heard speak. She never fails to make you think. Incredible role model for young ladies going into ministry to look to.

-"God hasn't blessed your church with success. He's blessed your church with potential." Jeff Henderson

-"Say 'yes' to your community." Jeff Henderson

-"Pastors, you need to be the voice of the people who don't come to your church but who should." Jeff Henderson

-"All 100 sheep are valuable, but there's a priority on the 1 sheep that is lost." Jud Wilhite

-"My music+my preferences+my style of service=Our church's funeral" Perry Noble

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I loaded Evernote down with notes from main sessions & breakouts. If you & your ministry team are looking for a conference that has something for everyone, Orange may be the right fit for you. For too long our ministries have been disjointed islands. Embracing an Orange strategy will help bring your ministries into alignment with one another so that they build on one another & better disciple our children so that they are prepared to face the world as an adult & as the future leaders of God's church.

Time To Share The Spotlight

Statistically the vast majority of pastors will lead "small" congregations. Not only will those congregations be small, most of them will also be very unhealthy. They will be in desperate need of revival & revitalization. Most studies put that number around 75% to 80% of churches that are stagnant or in decline. 

So it's pretty clear most ministry leaders will be serving & leading in small, potentially unhealthy, church environments, yet if you were to visit many universities & seminaries for chapel or to take a peek at ministry training, or if you were to pick up a book on church leadership, do you know who you would find as the model of church leadership & what ministry should look like? You guessed it, the mega-church pastor. The names Chandler, Stanley, Groeschel, Noble, Platt, & many others seem to be omnipresent, but is this really helpful for young ministry leaders who are preparing & training for their calling to the local church?

Now let's get one thing straight right off the bat: I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH MEGA-CHURCHES. Did you hear that? So don't assume I'm one of these guys who thinks the megas are bad. They're not. Sure, you can find some that are off base, but you can also find lots of mini-churches who are way out in left field too. So it's not the mega-church I have an issue with. It's the way that our American consumer, bigger is better, mindset has permeated not just ministry culture but also ministry training culture. If the only leaders who are given a platform to speak to other ministry leaders are the ones with the biggest churches, then don't be surprised if other ministry leaders either feel like failures when they don't have 5000 people in their church or if they turn their backs on opportunities to serve those "small" churches. After all, it's easier to give birth than it is to raise the dead right? The only problem with that is that the Savior we serve specializes in raising the dead.

What we need to begin to do is shine the spotlight on great ministry leaders, no matter the size of their church. If most of our future ministry leaders are going to serve churches in need of revitalization, shouldn't they be hearing from revitalization leaders at least as much as they're hearing from the mega-pastors? After all, there is a chance that the skill sets that make a leader great in a mega-church may work against the same leader in an environment in need of revitalization. What if a ministry leader as influential & as proven as Andy Stanley wouldn't be able to do the work of revitalizing a congregation that some guy you & I have never heard of has somewhere in Nebraska or in small town Tennessee? Tackling the work of revitalization or replanting a church comes with a set of challenges that are unique, & those who have faced it, navigated it, & survived can speak to it most effectively. 

"If The Majority Of Church Are In Need Of Revitalization, 

Shouldn't We Be Hearing More From Leaders 

Who Have Done The Work Of Revitalization?"

Don't get me wrong, I want to hear the insights of leaders like Andy Stanley, David Platt, & Craig Groeschel. They have incredible leadership principles to share, but I also want the world of Christian education, publishing, & conferences to open the doors to a group of leaders who may not have a massive platform but who have massive insights to share with other leaders doing the work of church revitalization & with those who are preparing for ministry in churches who need revitalization. We need to hear those voices on campus at our universities & seminaries. We need their stories to be published, & we need platforms like Catalyst, The Gospel Coalition, Orange, 9 Marks, & The North American Mission Board's Send North America Conference to give the stage to ministry leaders who are quietly doing the work of renewing & revitalizing local congregations but making a lot of noise in God's Kingdom as churches on the brink of death discover a renewed sense of mission to advance the Gospel & make disciples. It's time to share the spotlight so that we can learn from one another & have an even greater Gospel impact, regardless of a church's size.

The Gospel & Your Family

Family is a hot topic issue right now. What is a family? What constitutes a family? Who has the right to get married & start a family? All these questions are currently being debated, & many people are sounding the alarm that the "family is under attack." To me the alarm is a little late. Families have always been under pressure. Take a look at Genesis 3 & the account of how sin entered into the world. The enemy's very first tactic for leading humanity into temptation & sin involved a family. It was the classic divide & conquer approach, & once sin had entered the world, God reveals that a primary consequence was going to be strife & conflict in the family, between husband & wife. So the pressures on family aren't new. The current issues may be new, but the tactic is literally as old as dirt. 

The new wrinkle that many of us have to struggle with is that some people evidently have ideal, perfect families. After all, look at their Facebook or Instagram feed. They're always smiling. Their children are so talented, smart, & well behaved. It's as if everything in their world is just right. Here's the problem though: they're only showing you what they're OK with you seeing. The perfect family is a mirage, & social media has helped perpetuate it. So we go to the local book store or jump on Amazon & comb through the bottomless pile of self-help & how to books, both spiritual & secular, to help us figure out how to make our families stronger, yet we end up feeling frustrated. The problem isn't so much that we're looking for a solution, but that we're looking for a solution from the wrong source. You can't build a stronger marriage or family by mastering 12 steps or becoming a better you. You become a better spouse, parent, child, or sibling by going back to the transforming power of the Gospel.

"You Don't Build A Stronger Family By Being A Better Spouse Or Parent.

You Do It By Becoming More Like Jesus."

If you're working hard to become a better you, there's a pretty good chance you'll only make things worse because you're still about you. Thankfully, Jesus came to redeem you & transform you to become more like Him. The Gospel isn't just the means by which you & I are saved. The Gospel is the means by which are lives are transformed so that we experience life to the fullest, the way God desires us to. What do I mean by all this? It's simple: Husbands, you don't become a better husband by just unloading the dishwasher, doing laundry, not yelling so much, or bringing home a bigger paycheck. You become a better husband by becoming more like Christ as you sacrificially love your wife & children the way Christ sacrificially loved us. Wives, you don't become a better wife by always agreeing with your husband, doing all the housework, or any other stereotype that you can think of. You become a better wife by becoming more like Christ who was submitted to the will of His Father & to the desperate need of humanity for a Savior. Parents, you don't become better parents just by being super strict, & it definitely doesn't happen by being your child's BFF. You become better parents by becoming more like Christ who loves us, even in our sin, but who also comes alongside us & teaches us what obedience & faithfulness looks like. 

Ephesians 5 & 6 are loaded with incredible pictures of how the Gospel shapes & transforms us as families. Men, you can't love your wives as Christ loved the church in your own strength. Ladies, you cannot submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord in your own strength. Kids cannot obey their parents in their own strength. Parents in their own strength will not train their children up in the ways of the Lord. None of this happens in our own strength because our strength is tainted & twisted by sin. However, when we find new life in Christ that's not just about eternity. It's about right now too. When we keep our hearts & minds focused on & rooted in the Gospel, we'll be constantly reminded of the lavish grace & love poured out on us, & that can't help but move us toward real life transformation.

Stop trying to be a better you, & start pursuing Jesus. Root yourself in the Gospel. Live from the power of the Gospel, & as you become more like Christ, you'll see your family become healthier, stronger, & more glorifying to God.