Family is a hot topic issue right now. What is a family? What constitutes a family? Who has the right to get married & start a family? All these questions are currently being debated, & many people are sounding the alarm that the "family is under attack." To me the alarm is a little late. Families have always been under pressure. Take a look at Genesis 3 & the account of how sin entered into the world. The enemy's very first tactic for leading humanity into temptation & sin involved a family. It was the classic divide & conquer approach, & once sin had entered the world, God reveals that a primary consequence was going to be strife & conflict in the family, between husband & wife. So the pressures on family aren't new. The current issues may be new, but the tactic is literally as old as dirt.
The new wrinkle that many of us have to struggle with is that some people evidently have ideal, perfect families. After all, look at their Facebook or Instagram feed. They're always smiling. Their children are so talented, smart, & well behaved. It's as if everything in their world is just right. Here's the problem though: they're only showing you what they're OK with you seeing. The perfect family is a mirage, & social media has helped perpetuate it. So we go to the local book store or jump on Amazon & comb through the bottomless pile of self-help & how to books, both spiritual & secular, to help us figure out how to make our families stronger, yet we end up feeling frustrated. The problem isn't so much that we're looking for a solution, but that we're looking for a solution from the wrong source. You can't build a stronger marriage or family by mastering 12 steps or becoming a better you. You become a better spouse, parent, child, or sibling by going back to the transforming power of the Gospel.
"You Don't Build A Stronger Family By Being A Better Spouse Or Parent.
You Do It By Becoming More Like Jesus."
If you're working hard to become a better you, there's a pretty good chance you'll only make things worse because you're still about you. Thankfully, Jesus came to redeem you & transform you to become more like Him. The Gospel isn't just the means by which you & I are saved. The Gospel is the means by which are lives are transformed so that we experience life to the fullest, the way God desires us to. What do I mean by all this? It's simple: Husbands, you don't become a better husband by just unloading the dishwasher, doing laundry, not yelling so much, or bringing home a bigger paycheck. You become a better husband by becoming more like Christ as you sacrificially love your wife & children the way Christ sacrificially loved us. Wives, you don't become a better wife by always agreeing with your husband, doing all the housework, or any other stereotype that you can think of. You become a better wife by becoming more like Christ who was submitted to the will of His Father & to the desperate need of humanity for a Savior. Parents, you don't become better parents just by being super strict, & it definitely doesn't happen by being your child's BFF. You become better parents by becoming more like Christ who loves us, even in our sin, but who also comes alongside us & teaches us what obedience & faithfulness looks like.
Ephesians 5 & 6 are loaded with incredible pictures of how the Gospel shapes & transforms us as families. Men, you can't love your wives as Christ loved the church in your own strength. Ladies, you cannot submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord in your own strength. Kids cannot obey their parents in their own strength. Parents in their own strength will not train their children up in the ways of the Lord. None of this happens in our own strength because our strength is tainted & twisted by sin. However, when we find new life in Christ that's not just about eternity. It's about right now too. When we keep our hearts & minds focused on & rooted in the Gospel, we'll be constantly reminded of the lavish grace & love poured out on us, & that can't help but move us toward real life transformation.
Stop trying to be a better you, & start pursuing Jesus. Root yourself in the Gospel. Live from the power of the Gospel, & as you become more like Christ, you'll see your family become healthier, stronger, & more glorifying to God.
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